Empty Emotion: A Part-Time Literature

एउटा समय थियो, जतिबेला मलाई तिम्रो, परिभाषा थाहा थिएन, तिमी बिना अनुमति आँउथ्यौ, मेरो सपनाभरी रमाउँथ्यौ, अनि केहि नबोली सुटुक्क जान्थ्यौ, तर तिमीले कहिले ख्याल गरेनौ, तिम...

This was the year that really had an impact in my living. Life has shown me the most extreme yet different edges of the meanings I was searching. While hunting for the destiny, I have experienced most joy and the most frustration within a single bit of time. I have felt both empty and overloaded with emotions at the same time. I cried alone in a corner and laughed in the other one. Somewhere between the tears and laughter, I realised that there is always a wider meaning to everything and the room is always bigger than it seems and of course, the life itself is larger than it appears. When life has a beautiful face of a friend, it equally has an evil face of an enemy. And the enemy lies within yourself. One of the purpose of life is to defeat the enemy within and discover more of the friend and to treat yourself with all the feast of happiness.  #Farewell2017 #Welcome2018

Somewhere in a Dream I was flying, To beat the clouds I was trying, Beyond cosmos reached a little far, Above which was a shining Star, Glittering with a beautiful smile, Deserved to adore for a while, In all of the space we were alone, The odyssey smiled which we owned, Together in the universe we flew, The curse was near I never knew, When the night was killed by dawn, This heart started to weep and yearn, My eyes were damp when I realized, The dream was a beatitude in disguise, And it was just an illusion of life, That will never be materialized.

In this season of blessings, Higher than sky are emotions, Twirled with the dust and wind, Vanish into the desert of darkness. Collided with the wall of fears, Drowned in the ocean of tears, Feathers of hopes are crumbled, And they can fly no more. On the edge of destiny they wonder, May be the feast doesn't taste well, Maybe the happiness is no normal, Because a disguise is that smile. But the sun will rise again, And the feathers will regrow, The hopes will start flying, Beyond the world can behold, In the universe of stars, Will discover vanished emotions.

यो शहरको कोलाहल भन्दा धेरै टाढा एउटा मरुभूमि छ, मेरो कल्पनाको मरुभूमि, जहाँ म एक्लै यात्रा गर्न रुचाउँछु। धेरैजसो मेरो एक्लोपनको भारि बिसाउन म त्यहिँ पुग्ने गर्छु। मलाई रमाइलो लाग्छ, त्यो बतास संगै उड्ने धुलोका कणहरुसंग खेल्न। म धेरैजसो आफुलाई त्यहि धुलो सँग तुलना गर्छु। सायद त्यो धुलो पनि म जस्तै निरिह थियो, हावाको वेगले जता धकेल्यो उतै हुत्तिने, मलाई समयको वेगले हुत्ताए जस्तै। म त्यहि धुलोको ढिस्कोमा अडिएर टोलाइरहेको थिएँ। कतैबाट डरलाग्दो हुरी चले जस्तो आवाज आयो अनि म आत्तिएँ। "कस्तो लागि रहेछ?" म झस्किएँ। एउटा अनौठो अनुहार मसँग प्रश्न गरिरहेको थियो। त्यो अनुहार मेरो कुनै परिचित व्यक्तिको थिएन। म र मेरो अतितसँग जोडिएका सबै सम्झनाका पृष्ठभुमिहरु कोट्याउँदा पनि त्यो अनुहार कतै भेट्न सकिन। "तिमि को हौ" मलाई सोध्न मन लग्यो। तर म मौन बसिरहेँ। म त्यही बताससँग मस्कि मस्कि नाचिरहेको धुलोलाई हेरिरहेँ। "किन नबोलेको, भन न कस्तो लागिरहेको छ?" प्रश्न अझ लम्बिएर फेरि दोहोरियो। मलाई रिस उठीसकेको थियो। मैले उतिर हेरेर झर्किएको पाराले भने "तिमि को होउ? म तिमीला...

Dear life, Do you remember, How beautiful you were, When we were kids, You and I were best friends, We traveled together, We dreamed together, When the world said, You and I are stupid, We never quit dreaming, We used to climb trees, We used to run on the slopes, And used to hunt the stars, We didn't know we could fall, And we conquered the success. Dear life, Now you are grown up, And you never realize, How ugly you are, Still the world says, You are smart enough, But you aren't my best friend, We don't travel together, We don't dream together, We can't climb a tree, Because we're afraid of falling, When the world admires you, You weep in the corner, When I believe you are brave, You just pretend to be !!

Last Night I Dreamed of You, You were flying really high, Higher than the birds could fly, Those clouds were beneath you, And dreams above the blue sky. Last Night I Dreamed of You, Sailing through the intricate harbor, You were busy puncturing the tides, Higher than your hopes, Still making way for your rides. Last Night I Dreamed of You, You were leading the light, Through the tunnel of darkness, Victory was shining at the end, Like the diamond sparkles. When I woke up this morning, And the sun went above horizon, There you were inside the mirror, Standing with a vacant emotion, Petrified with your own aspiration.

Oh Dear Mother, When you flew away, To get us some food, The trees were dancing, And I don’t know why, Those hills were moving, The neighbors flew away, When their tree was falling, The thunder was scary, And our timber was breaking, Hopes were all crumbled, To see my brothers crying, I crawled on the leaves, And our home fell down, I am scared of this wind, It took away my siblings, Now is this the rain, Different than yesterday, These drops are whipping, And the sky is yelling, The clouds are more black, And the dust is smelling, Eyes can’t weep anymore, I feel very week, Alone and frightened, And I’m hungry too, Without you my mother, Heart doesn't beat anymore, This time is brutal, And fate is on the shore, Come fast dear Mother, Before the darkness haunts, Come fast dear Mother, Before the world mourns...

May be the sky is not blue enough, May be the ocean is not blue enough, May be the blue itself is not blue enough, May be there is something wider than the sky, May be there is something deeper than the ocean, May be somewhere deep inside you, You have a dream bluer than the sky and ocean, That can make the rainbow fade away...

A Weaker Me, Sometimes Stronger, An Innocent Me, A bit Cruel too, A Decent Me, A confused me, An Honest Me and a Betrayer, A Friend and an Enemy, Whatever I appear to be, I have a reflection, That doesn't pertain real me, But it defines the sorrow, I am suffering through, You can help me redeem, With a smile in return !!